A Poem: Ideal Jaime

In therapy group, we were asked to write a letter to ourselves in ten years. I disregarded that and wrote a poem about what my ideal self would be instead.

Ideal Jaime

A Jaime

driving

carrying a baby places

and making schedules

running rehearsal

responsibilities

confidence

things that I can do

socializing with people

following them to the bar they're headed to

being a part of something

being myself

not yelling at my mother

enjoying family dinners

feeling as though I could survive if I moved out

not completely disregarding writing prompts

knowing people in my age group

living

---

Jaime

A Poem: Metaphorical Tree

In my new therapy group, we were asked to write about a metaphorical tree; this is what I came up with. The tree I was thinking of was a Japanese Maple.

Metaphorical tree

Low, long branches

hanging to the ground

form a shield

inside the shield

light wafting through the many leaves

leaning against the frail trunk

safe in the arms

that change every season

frailer, stronger

a constant

but constant change

I sit

watching the change

both of the leaves

and the world around them

unwilling to budge

from my safe haven tree

---

Jaime

A Poem: Four AM

Four AM

Hello, there, four AM

Hello, old friend

Today, I am stressed

Perhaps you can help me

You just stay there and listen

I will tell you of my troubles

Where did you go?

Oh

Hello there, five AM

Have you come already?

---

Jaime

A Poem: Tiger

Tiger

I wanted to be a tiger

If we had to choose a career when we were five

I wanted to be a tiger

i wanted to be sleek and deadly 

I wanted to be better at something

But you don't have to choose when you're five

You have to choose when you're sixteen

When you've realized that you can't be a tiger

That the hobbies you've chased thus far aren't going to get you anywhere

As soon as all your dreams are crushed

You choose which one to try for

But I still want to be a tiger

So I ran away from that system

I didn't choose

I pursued my hobbies

And they grew into skills

Skills that I can use

And now I know

I wanted to be a tiger so I could be good at something

And I am

Just not the way they wanted

So aim for being a tiger

Because tigers ignore things in their way

Hey, tiger!

Sick 'em.

---

Jaime

A Poem in two versions: Anxiety

Anxiety

Being trapped in a Glass box no one else can see

Afraid of breaking it and the pain

People trying to reach toward you

All around you, reaching to help

“Stop! Don’t break it!”

Afraid of sharp triangles piercing your skin

You know the glass is stronger than it looks

But it looks so fragile

You’ll never escape

A spear coming towards you

Speeding

Unobscured path

You can’t move

It’s inevitable

The spear hits the glass suddenly

And passes straight through you

You don’t feel it

You’re sitting on a couch with no glass in sight

---

Anxiety

Trapped in a glass box no one else can see

Does it really exist?

But you can feel it

Feel the cold warning of the inescapable walls

Always there

Threatening to break

Threatening to hurt you with tendrils of itself

No one sees you crying in your glass box

No one seems to care that you’re helpless

Trapped

But what you don’t know

They all have their own boxes

All made of glass

That no one else can see

But you don’t know that

You’re stuck in your own.

---

Jaime