A Poem: Ideal Jaime

In therapy group, we were asked to write a letter to ourselves in ten years. I disregarded that and wrote a poem about what my ideal self would be instead.

Ideal Jaime

A Jaime

driving

carrying a baby places

and making schedules

running rehearsal

responsibilities

confidence

things that I can do

socializing with people

following them to the bar they're headed to

being a part of something

being myself

not yelling at my mother

enjoying family dinners

feeling as though I could survive if I moved out

not completely disregarding writing prompts

knowing people in my age group

living

---

Jaime

A Poem: Metaphorical Tree

In my new therapy group, we were asked to write about a metaphorical tree; this is what I came up with. The tree I was thinking of was a Japanese Maple.

Metaphorical tree

Low, long branches

hanging to the ground

form a shield

inside the shield

light wafting through the many leaves

leaning against the frail trunk

safe in the arms

that change every season

frailer, stronger

a constant

but constant change

I sit

watching the change

both of the leaves

and the world around them

unwilling to budge

from my safe haven tree

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Jaime

Alcohol, Marijuana, and Updates

Marijuana and Alcohol have both been on my mind as of late.

Alcohol: I'm turning 21 in April, and I'm slightly terrified to be able to legally drink alcohol, as I haven't liked the taste of any of the drinks I've tried so far (except for pink lemonade with a dash of blue curacao, and a baby mimosa- a mimosa with only a TINY bit of champagne. Tried a normal one... Jaime no likey).
I am, however, excited to be able to go into bars, if only for the reason that for the last two years, I haven't been able to hang out with people after shows because they go to a bar- which is fine, I just feel slightly dejected. But hopefully that'll change! and then I'll probably stop going to bars after, like, a month because I don't like that sort of environment, but who knows?
I have, fortunately, been assured by my sister that she is not planning to kidnap me on my 21st birthday, and my other sister is going to be out of town, so I have completely different reasons for being scared of this birthday than I did last year, which is strange. Mind you, just now realizing that my parents might try something... god I hope not.

Marijuana: Let's go in chronological order, shall we? 
In my freshman year of High School (age: 14 or 15), I found out that my sister smokes pot. Me, being the best little sister that a girl could have, immediately turned around and tattled to my parents. Who already knew. (I later discovered that they'd found her stash while helping her move into college, and she had to spend the entire 1.5 hour car ride up to college in an awkward silence with my parents- made me feel better)
The thing that I never told them was that she tried to get me to smoke pot. Which I figured my parents would be far less ok with. She has continued to attempt to get me to try it since. Not really hard, just mentioning it every once in a while ("you want some?", "hey, it's even legal now!", etc).
At this point, it's been six years and I'm ok with it now, it's just a fact and she does it and there's nothing I can do about that. But my other sister dislikes pot even more than I do.
And her new boyfriend smokes it, a fact which she is not happy about. Anyways, I get to hear her complain about that a lot, so fun times. YAY.
And then my other sister (the one that doesn't smoke), informed me that apparently my dad still does smoke pot occasionally. So that's great. (My mother has, and I quote, "not had the urge to in many years")
Overall, I still haven't decided whether or not I like the legalization of Marijuana in my state, but I definitely think it's a more pleasant smell than tobacco. And less dangerous... please don't start mass-producing joints with tar in them. Just- that's not the direction this should go.

Updates: I've been singing a shitton of broadway songs because I feel like it, I didn't get an internship with a theatre that I was really hoping to get, my theatre's moving, so overall I have nothing to do until April or May besides this therapy group I recently started that'll be over in early March. Oh, and babysitting for my almost-six-month-old niece. Who is adorable, but still. JAIME NEEDS HER SOME THEATRE.
However, I have proven myself irresponsible many times and I'm still, for some reason, uncomfortable working at any theatre besides the Schmee. So that's great.
Also, I've taken over the basement.
OH, and the sister that I always get along with is moving to Hawaii for a year tomorrow. So that's- interesting. (and don't say "Awesome! You can go visit her!" because that's a whole different beast to tackle. and I feel as though I'm holding a red flag. Though it's probably blood orange and the bull won't see it through the cloud of pretentious.)

As always, follow my fandom-y shenanigans on tumblr


P.S. sleeping niece! Also, TARDIS shirt.

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Jaime