What I'm Hoping for in NaNoWriMo 2013

I'm doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month- even though it's international...) for the third time. The goal is to write a novel of at least 50k words in one month. Let me just start with the fact that the longest story I've ever written was about 23k. So I don't have much hope.

And yet, I'm still trying. Why, when I don't think I'll win? Well, first of all to give myself something to do so that I don't just aimlessly browse the internet all day without getting dressed or leaving the house. Also, to get myself to get dressed and leave the house. I'm planning to go to at least one write-in. Hopefully more, but, again, I don't have high hopes for myself. Of course, not having high hopes means that if I do actually achieve going to multiple write-ins, I will be proud of myself. Which is way better than saying "I did a thing I expected myself to do."

So. A week before November, I have my story plotted out. Which is unheard of for me. I never fully plot a story before I start. I've tried before, but I always end up stopping and just writing about halfway through. That being said, I did figure out the first half and then avoid it for a week or two- but I went back in and figured out the end! So I know that at least I won't have a breakdown in the middle of the month because I don't know how my story will end. I may, however, have a breakdown in the middle of the month because I finished my story and it's not 50k. So I've started thinking of ideas for little oneshot-type stories that I can write to get to 50k. Because I really want to get to 50k. But again, no high hopes for myself. Of course, I could always just open a word document and start ranting, then count that, but I feel like that's cheating. It's not being creative- it's just ranting.

So, in conclusion, 

Bring it on, November.

---

Jaime

A Poem: Four AM

Four AM

Hello, there, four AM

Hello, old friend

Today, I am stressed

Perhaps you can help me

You just stay there and listen

I will tell you of my troubles

Where did you go?

Oh

Hello there, five AM

Have you come already?

---

Jaime

A Poem: Tiger

Tiger

I wanted to be a tiger

If we had to choose a career when we were five

I wanted to be a tiger

i wanted to be sleek and deadly 

I wanted to be better at something

But you don't have to choose when you're five

You have to choose when you're sixteen

When you've realized that you can't be a tiger

That the hobbies you've chased thus far aren't going to get you anywhere

As soon as all your dreams are crushed

You choose which one to try for

But I still want to be a tiger

So I ran away from that system

I didn't choose

I pursued my hobbies

And they grew into skills

Skills that I can use

And now I know

I wanted to be a tiger so I could be good at something

And I am

Just not the way they wanted

So aim for being a tiger

Because tigers ignore things in their way

Hey, tiger!

Sick 'em.

---

Jaime

A Poem in two versions: Anxiety

Anxiety

Being trapped in a Glass box no one else can see

Afraid of breaking it and the pain

People trying to reach toward you

All around you, reaching to help

“Stop! Don’t break it!”

Afraid of sharp triangles piercing your skin

You know the glass is stronger than it looks

But it looks so fragile

You’ll never escape

A spear coming towards you

Speeding

Unobscured path

You can’t move

It’s inevitable

The spear hits the glass suddenly

And passes straight through you

You don’t feel it

You’re sitting on a couch with no glass in sight

---

Anxiety

Trapped in a glass box no one else can see

Does it really exist?

But you can feel it

Feel the cold warning of the inescapable walls

Always there

Threatening to break

Threatening to hurt you with tendrils of itself

No one sees you crying in your glass box

No one seems to care that you’re helpless

Trapped

But what you don’t know

They all have their own boxes

All made of glass

That no one else can see

But you don’t know that

You’re stuck in your own.

---

Jaime